Phone tragedy - changing telco's

Recently a friend of mine and their partner moved all their telecommunications over to Telstra. They combined their mobile accounts, their landline, their internet, their mobile data plans, and their Foxtel all together to reap promised discounts, additional credits, and a single simplified bill.

If only we could bill the telco for the hours we spend letting them frustrate us
What they didn't sign on for was over 20 hours of frustration with countless Telstra consultants in too many locations to count. All either promised to solve the numerous problems (billing, promised credits, promised discounts, promised combinations of services) and didn't, or just passed the problem on - that old transfer roundabout.

Transfer roundabout 
I'm sure you are familiar with the drill: "This is not a sales problem, I'll just transfer you to technical support.", or "Oh your on a Mac, not my area, I'll have to transfer you." or the dreaded promise of no solution: "Well I will have to escalate this issue." - when to you it has already 'escalated' to mind numbing frustration.

Customer service
Now my friend is no slouch at customer service. Every phone call was logged, every consultant's name remembered, every conversation noted, every incident number recorded, and every consultant's ID taken down

What a waste of time for my friend, but what a huge waste of time for Telstra.

There must be a better way to manage customers than this.

Oh - and I forgot to tell you – my friend's old telco still thinks they are their customers, and bills them accordingly. Another poor call centre operator to argue with!

Elizabeth Taylor - we shared more than a birthday

Why don't TV programs start on time?

This week Conviction Kitchen (its the show that takes advantage of underprivileged people in the guise of helping them - but that's fodder for another post) on Channel 7 ran 12 minutes overtime according to my Foxtel Electronic Program Guide (EPG).

My guilty pleasure on Monday evening is watching a pre-recorded Brothers and Sisters episode.

So - I missed the last 12 minutes of what fortunately was not a particularly enthralling episode (It's OK my life didn't depend on seeing the dénouement)

I pre-record because it clashes with something else I like to watch, and anyway, the whole point of time shifting is:

1. to fast forward through the ads, and reduce viewing time by 25%
2. watching things at a convenient time for me, and not the TV channel broadcasting it

Channel 7 do it because it can affect ratings (which run on in quarter hour blocks), and I think because they are bloody minded, and want to discourage time-shifting, and hence skipping through ads, or maybe they have another reason that I'm not aware of.

The problem for them is, that this kind of behaviour just becomes another reason for consumers to ignore broadcasters, and embrace illegal downloading - because at least that way, they can get it when they want it, and without the ads.

Buy the DVD legally you say?  Right, and wait 3 months until they are finally released - not likely.

Viewing is still about timeliness, team.

Oh - and next time I will remember to press that +20 minutes feature on my Foxtel IQ - that I suspect was developed precisely because of the untrustworthiness of their free-to-air brothers and sisters.

(image from Yahoo 7 website screen grab)

7:30 Report - Can we Talk?

New hosts, new name, new logo, but somebody forgot the innovation.

How is it possible to re-launch a national current affairs show, and forget to give it a personality. I'm not talking about Chris Uhlmann, or Leigh Sales - although they both need to find their feet in this new format - I'm talking about the point of difference with the old the 7:30 Report. It doesn't have one.

Having the opening with the host talking in front of a hug screen, or a new really ugly loud and unsubtly ugly logo doesn't make it different. All it seems to do is remind us that we are missing Kezza. Change is always difficult, and even I who hopes to embrace change find myself, saying "why couldn't it be like before?"

Ok enough kvetching. You have another 6 weeks 7:30 Report before I will really make a judgment.

You have a NSW election, and a great big New Tax (Cut) - depending on who you listen to, an earthquake/tsunami, a potential middle eastern war, and a budding nuclear disaster. That should be enough for a current affairs show to create a reputation on.

Phone fantasy conversations with your Telco

Pro-active #1
Phone Company: Good Morning Stephen, It's Karen here. I know that you normally deal with Simon as your account manager, but he's not on shift at the moment.  I've been looking at your file, and I noticed that you have a backlog of emails waiting to go out. Is that the reason for your call?

Phone Company: Good, I can fix that - I just need to reset something at our end, and you emails should be on their way in a moment.

Pro-active #2
Phone Company: I also notice that you phone usage has decreased over the last month. Would you like me to reset your contract to a lower monthly rate?

Overseas roaming
Phone Company: Your going overseas next month? Yes we can add roaming to your data plan to cover mobile overseas data - you will be charged at the same rate you are domestically, but there will be a one off $20 surcharge for the month. Is that OK?

Same charge whatever the device
Phone Company: Yes Stephen, you are correct, the charge for phone calls is the same on your cell, or mobile phone, as it is on your landline for calls anywhere in Australia. For phoning overseas, there is just an additional flagfall charged which is around $1 per call. And you are also correct about your data, the charges for downloads on your computer via your landline, wifi, your cellphone, and your iPad are all the same.

Phone contracts that are actually customer focused
Phone Company: Hi Stephen, just a courtesy call to tell you that the new iPhone 5 is expected to be launched here in June.  Would you like me to put you down to receive notification of when they are available?

Phone Company: Yes, you can have a new 6 month, 12 month, or 24 month contract including the new handset, or you can buy it outright, and stay on your no-contract agreement.

Any problem, you speak to one person who will solve your problem
Phone Company: No, I won't need to transfer you, I can deal with any sales, account, or technical questions you have. If there is any problem you raise that I can't answer immediately, I'll find the answer and call you back. Yes you are right, we don't believe in transferring you to 5 or more different people, because it wastes your time and ours.

Don't like the consultant - change to another one
Phone Company: No Stephen, we don't 'escalate' calls. I'm personally responsible for sorting out your enquiry in a reasonable time period like 24 hours or less. If I can't solve it to your satisfaction, in that time, then we will issue a credit to you automatically. If you are unsatisfied with my service, I can pass you onto a new Account Manager, who will call you once they have had time to familiarise themselves with your file.

Corning - looks through the glass

As with most of these 'what we will be able to do in the future' type video's, it concentrates on the hardware, and not really the potential new uses.

That's the great thing about invention.  We invent materials before we know what possible things we might eventually use them for.  Think accidental inventions like teflon.

I like the fact that the interaction is all the same - like a world monopoly owned by Apple. But I do want that phone which is just a piece of glass, with holders at each end. iphone 5 maybe?

Why I joined the QANTAS club, and why it is now so crappy

I have been a member of the QANTAS club since the mid 90's. I used to love:

• the quiet, 
• the access to food and drink
• the relative absence of screaming children
• The ability to work while on a business trip, or the ability to relax if not

The scheme has been supremely successful for QANTAS. But it didn't take long for the clubs to get crowded, So they made them bigger.

Slowly but surely those 5pm party pies (and who doesn't like a party pie?) disappeared, and then the hot food vacated the building - except for soup (is soup even a food group?).

But still I would stump up for the membership, because it was better than sitting around with the other denizens of the airport.

After a 2 hour plus stint at the Club at Melbourne's domestic airport on a recent Sunday - I'm not so sure.

It's tatty, very noisy, crowded, with an unpleasant atmosphere. Not relaxing, and not conducive to work.

It doesn't just need a re-furb. I think the concept needs a re-think.

The more it looks like a cafeteria, the less likely it is to distinguish itself from other facilities at the airport.

And with these proposed 'improvements' should I stay a member?

Did Neil Perry really have anything to do with this:

Just what you need as an in-flight refreshment -something that looks like its from the black and gold supermarket range. 

This was my snack on a Sunday afternoon flight with Qantas from Melbourne to Sydney. 

Besides the packaging looking like generics from the supermarket, the 'Flats™' are somewhat disgustingly tasteless squares of what looks like predigested vegetable. And by 'pre-digested' I think you know what I mean. 

The website of Fine Fettle assures me that they are real vegetables 'dried' rather than fried. I think I would prefer the fried.

I wonder what Neil Perry really does for Qantas. It would appear that he is responsible for this snack if the notes to the 1st class menu are to be believed: 

"Qantas and Neil have collaborated to bring you restaurant style cuisine inflight. Every detail is influenced, from creating the menus to training chefs and cabin crew worldwide."

I'm afraid that this just sounds like puff when you get served something like 'Flats™' served in a plastic box, covered by plastic, packaged in a black and gold cardboard sleeve.

Next time if they offer you 'Flats™' - ask for the pretzels.

Why do ABC TV's motion graphics look like cheap flyers

Well the simple answer is because they lack any creativity.

The example above is their news bumper, but there is another one - I think for current affairs maybe (it's about as memorable as Tony Abbott's policy on climate change). All it contains is words animated, swinging like gates, on that rather sickly blueish sky sort of no horizon thing. And while we are talking about that blue. What kind of a blue is that? It's not the blue you see in Northern Australia, nor the blue you see in the desert. I don't think it s blue you see in the Tasmanian sky either.  To me its a kind of English drizzley sky blue.

This all seems to be part of the ABC's 'Think' campaign. Not a terrible concept, but the execution! Cheap like Christopher Pyne's laugh. How is it that the ABC constantly gets it station's motion graphics sooo wrong, and SBS get them sooo right.

ABC - Please explain?

For further information on the re-branding and a few vicious reactions see Campaign Brief

Hello machine, can I charm you into an upgrade?

Who stole the checkin counters?

I flew from Sydney to Adelaide last weekend.  Sydney Airport Qantas terminal is deserted! No staff, only uniformed security and columns with screens. From a design perspective I like the minimalist space - just a sea of marble tiles, with the occasional vertical sculpture sprouting a screen that you (apparently) tap to check in.

Next Generation

Fortunately, I didn't have to actually engage in the Qantas brave new world (called by Qantas - Next Generation Check-in).  I had checked in online, and given I only had carry-on, went straight to the Club lounge. At least there you can ask stupid questions, like 'Even though I have checked in online, do you need to give me a boarding pass?" (they don't).

If I am nice to you - will you be nice to me?
At the risk of sounding like a sentimental old grump - I am mourning the days when at check in, you could compliment the (usually female) staff member on her hair/jewellery/general demeanour and gormlessly ask "Is it a well booked flight?" and if they said yes, you could try, "Any possibility of an upgrade?"

Sounds stupid, but it sometimes worked, and even if it didn't always get us an upgrade, sometimes on a poorly booked flight, it would get me and my partner three seats for the two of us to share - any extra legroom in a storm.

Not to mention the discretion they had to ignore your blatant ignorance of the permitted luggage allowance.

My airfare used to pay someone else to do that
If I have actual check-in luggage, I will have to print off one of those sticky strips that you have to tear off and wrap round your luggage handles, and load it onto the conveyor belt. Didn't the cost of my ticket include that service by a Qantas staff member in the past? The alternative is to buy their 'Q Bag Tags' at some undisclosed cost - in the future.

So, another small part of the luxury that used to be travel again disappears, on what the industry still laughably calls a full-service airline.

For a full report on the experience of the Next Generation Check-in see Dan Hills Blog entry at City of Sound.

Dear John

I opened the Sydney Morning Herald today to find that my bank, the National Australia Bank has sent the other major banks in Australia a 'Dear John' letter - the day after St Valentine's Day.

No branding

Somehow the advertising company has convinced NAB not to stamp their branding all over it.  The only identifier is the signature. It made me read right to the end.

About nothing really

Despite the ad really being all talk and not much substance, what a great creative, well executed. Congratulations to all who worked on it.  To see how really different it is, turn over a few more pages and you get this subtle ad from Westpac:

Mobile phone plans - designed to confuse

If only Telstra, Optus and all the other telco's sold mobile phone plans that tried to 'usher in light' instead of just raising false 'high expectations' as does this pavilion in the Forbidden City in Beijing. 

When I use $18, why should I buy $600 worth?

I'm an average to low user of my smartphone, and I have just come off a two year contract for my first generation iPhone.  I'd love another - newer version, but can't really justify the $79 or $99 per month it would cost with my service provider (Oh what a misnomer that is!). $99 might buy me something like $600 worth of calls per month, but since my call charges are actually about $18 a month - what's all that left over capacity worth to me.  I'll tell you - about $80 a month, or $1,000 a year. So I said 'Put me on your minimum plan.' And then the fun started.

When good designers go bad

I love hotels.
To stay and sleep in, more than to drink or eat in. Best of all I like really well designed hotels. Sure I value really good service, but I especially like things that hotel designers think of that I wouldn't. Let me give you some examples.